Friday, July 8, 2011

Let emotions takes over control....

Everything just end by one text and back to reality. I've been lacking of sleep recently. I'm so tired, but i just couldn't fall asleep even i know my eyes can't take it anymore. I understand no matter how much i've tried to hold back the fact will never change. Loving one another yet things just don't seems to go smoothly like how we wanted it to be. I'm seriously tired of getting all this shit over and over again. Maybe it's time to take a long break.

For the pass 3 days i've been out late w/ shaine. She rented a car for a week and on the actual night she came over to my place to pick me up. Went to cck to find one of her friend to take some stuff, i wasn't feeling quite good and i vomitted twice ): i din't ate anything much yet still i puke.
Head over to boat quay to met her others friends then change place to meet the rest at hollywood @ clark quay. Saw one of my ite friend jeremy and we were in the same group. Left hollywood around 4am, head to rivervalley for supper. Din't ate anything, just drink water. Headed home aftermaths. Reached home around 7am.

Wednesday,
suppose to go for my dental appointment for my braces, but i overslept and i bring forward my appointment to tuesday instead. went jurongpoint w/ mom. it's been so long i last went shopping with mom. as usual we had our favourite japanese food @ ichiban sushi. Guess what? I din't finish my food at all. And i told mom what happen to me recently. And she asked me what happen and why? At the point of time i feel like crying out but i hold back my tears.I don't wanna let her worried and i pretend i'm fine. From her face i can see she knows i'm not feeling good at all. Headed home and reached home around 8pm.
Met shaine to zouk. Met Josephine, Joanne and Vivian there. But just a while and we seperated our way. Was so damn no mood for the very first time in my life going club. Totally turn off by the people there and everything. Maybe is my mood affecting me? I've no idea. Change place to powerhouse instead and same shit happen. The guys there just so disgusting. Headed off and meet Sabrina and Raymond for supper. Reached home 7am again.

Thursday,
Woke up by Eric's call due to some work stuffs. Texted Shaine, met her and had my eyebrow threading (: and off to bugis to get my watch fixed. Had Koi throughout the day. Went to had a little shopping as well. head off to fetch her friend and went changi to had nasi lemak for our first meal of the day at 10pm. After our food, shaine suggest to fly kite. so one of her friend go mustafa to get kite. Ended up they din't sell -.-
Headed to ECP to get it instead, and off to marina barrage to fly kite. But i just sat down there looking at them and take photo's of them.
You say you will fly kite w/ me but it's impossible now
Looking high at the sky, staring at the kite flying. If only fly kite can bring my pain away i will fly it as far as i can. Back to reality i'm just lying to myself. Back home around 4am.

As for today, woke up and feeling so weak and restless. With no motivation and get myself ready to bugis to get my things done. Off to work aftermaths. Was trying to smile infront of my colleague's and they keep say i din't ate medicine today. Act stupid actions and laughing, but deep inside my heart it's bleeding. All the way till knock off, walking back home and half way through i cried. My mind just can't stop thinking of anything whenever i'm alone. No matter how afraid i am still i'm alone facing all this. I know how silly i am right now.

Lester has been calling me recently to check if i'm okay. I won't forget how badly i cried when i'm on the phone w/ him. Even w/ Amy, he's always there for me as a very good friend of mine. He's always the one understand what's going on w/ me. Lester tried calling me today again to chit chat w/ me. But i wasn't in a very good mood. He was trying to cheer me up but he failed. Infact i cry again. He keeps on asking me "You haven okay ah?" Still thanks teng teng, i know you trying to make me laugh and cheer me up but Sorry, i just can't lie to myself i'm okay. Amy asked me "Elaine, why're you torturing yourself?" .........

Ps/ Time now 3am sharp, i'm still awake.
Whenever i close my eyes everything just flash through my mind.